How to tell you're living with a psycho

If anyone else is unlucky enough to be in the same situation as me, all I can wish you is the very best of luck. Here are a few of the pointers I will try and stick to when meeting and living with the newbie...

1. If you have to look for them online- google them. A facebook or bebo page will tell you much more than a 10 minute chat. All those skeletons in the closet will hopefully come out. You'll see if they are secretly a cross dresser and more importantly, make the all important first impression. If they look weird, chances are they will be. As humans, we tend to be attracted to, and friends with people we like the look of, so a FB pic that gives you the willies is probably enough of a warning.
   
2. When they come round for a viewing, get as much info from them as possible. What they do, why they are looking for a room, and if they are still friends with the people they last shared with.
3. The job thing for me is something thats a dead giveaway- HM has had about 25 jobs (no joke). She would start something and not stick at it. The time she lived with us, she had 4 jobs. It may be the snob in me, but I'd like my HM to have a career path and not just for the financial aspect. Someone who slobs about and doesn't want to work will piss me off.
   
4. If you've found someone you like the look of, and they are moving in go out for a drink before any contracts are signed. Once you get chatting over a glass of wine they may divulge some info that they may have withheld without the social lubricant of booze. You don't want to hear that they are gonna throw weekly parties if you're a couch potato who lives for X-Factor on a saturday night.
5. Find out if they spend a lot of time in their room. My last evil HM seemed to only use her room for sleeping. All the TV watching was done in the living room, despite the 32" telly in her room. I had been lured into a false sense of security- I found her in the living room all day and most of the night.
6. Beware of someone trying to impress you. When we met evil one, I remember her saying that she had a Wii and Wii Fit (at this stage it was still in vay high demand) and she thought it would impress us (her actual words). You want a HM you think you will have mutual appreciation and respect for, not an ass licker (unless thats your thing).
7. When you're getting contracts drawn up, discuss everything. Bills, who does the cooking, shopping and washing up, any cleaning rotas you might have and definitely have a 3 month trial period. Agree to sit down a few weeks before the 3 month period to see if you are both happy to carry on with the lease. You don't need to give reasons for the 'split' but you chances are, if you aren't happy, neither will they be.
8. Discuss partners. HM is now with a friend of mine (which i'd find weird even if I liked her- the fact that I don't means i've now lost a good drinking buddy) who I introduced her to. He never moved into our house or anything, and I rarely saw him but this was only because of me telling her i'd better not hear them or anything about their relationship. If you don't want to hear the headboard banging against the wall, tell them prono.
9. Once they're in, be wary of what you share. Within 3 weeks, I knew more about her lady bits than a gyno might after 3 appointments. I also knew about her relationship with her ex and she told me on a regular basis about my brothers sex life.
   

Today is the day.

Well today SHOULD be the last day of dirty, lazy bastards rent but she left early! The joy I experienced when I walked through the door to see her rent and a key was unreal. It was like a dream come true. She has been slowly moving into Adam's house (more fool him) and is now his for the keeping, as i'm sure he will learn soon enough! My joy was short lived though- I soon realised that the fucking tramp hadn't actually moved out and taken everything with her. I was left with 2 cupboards with food in them that I had to sort through. To make it even more gross, I was looking at dates on things and found that some of it was BBE in 2005. She'd brought gross food to our house from her last hovel and abandoned it. Then there is the vase (whoever bought her flowers must have been taking the piss and i've seen nothing in it in the last year), the foot spa (gross doesn't even cut it), the plates and cups (i'm gonna go greek and smash the fuckers) and the pills. I twittered a picture of them. It was like Georges Marvellous Medcine in that cupboard, pills for every ailment and plenty of empty packets.

So now to find a new housemate...lets hope they are better than the last.